Black dog has me by the throat. I expend all my energy trying to pry those locked jaws off just a little for some breathing room. Sometimes I am strong enough to gasp a breath, maybe two, but not always. Never for long.

Social anxieties grow deep roots. I open Facebook, see the messages, the posts, the lives. I close it quickly, terrified I have to engage.

I am imprisoned in my house. I have a medical appointment on Monday and am already sick about it. Oh the irony.

Loss followd loss.
The disease has taken advantage of my weakness.

I am as brittle as an old woman’s laugh.

I am as fragile as a teen girl’s heart.

I am as delicate as an infant ‘s bones.

With the slightest hit, I will shatter like vintage crystal against marble floor.

As the black dog‘s jaws squeeze my vision is greyed and blurry.

I need a light, a beacon, before I succumb to the ease of black velvet nothingness.

6 thoughts on “Darkness

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  1. oh my friend – you captured my mood perfectly. Traveling to clinic on Friday was hard and i have another appointment in SF Tuesday. my Doc mentioned tracheotomy. Mine is not a Black Dog but a rock from the earth. Hugs – I wanted us to slowly progress together.


  2. This is hard to read Liz because it communicates a darkness of your soul and a feeling of devastation. There is no way to add happy thoughts and a delusion that it will be better. I love you Liz and think about you often. Sincerely💙


  3. This was the hardest writing of yours to listen too, especially since I can’t currently see to read it myself. I would love to fly out there and cut off those black dog paws and wrap you in love and sunlight. So wish there was more I and many others could do to help you out of that pit. So much love from our family to yours Liz ❤


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