top chef canada week 3

Last week, Rebekah went home. Oh, there she is looking so happy in the credits. Poor Rebekah!
Chefs waking up and spouting trite reality phrases–better with coffee!

Off to the kitchen. Quickfire–MM says we’re going to “examine the process of taste”, so here’s the blind taste test. Patrick says covering his eyes up is like taking away one of his hands–huh?  Maybe he sees through his fingers. I don’t think he chops with his eyeballs though.
Dale is up, says he has a good palate and he does!  Bunches of mistakes follow as the other chefs taste buds are crippling them. More good ones! More bad ones 😦
Francois has the lowest score, he only got one. The chef who got the most will be after the commercial!  We had a spice taste test in culinary school. All went well until one of my classmates inhaled deeply–cayenne pepper. Watery eyes, sneezing and snotting everywhere–bad scene. Bad funny, but not for him. I doubt his nose lining ever recovered.
Back from the breaks!  Chris won with 13/20 guessed right. Dale gripes about the fact that he won because of all the asian ingredients and because he’s “an older guy”.  Huh?

Challenge!  Russian zakusky dish! Dan Aykroyd is the judge!  Who ya gonna call?  He’s brought along his very own Crystal Head Canadian vodka, which is the inspiration.  Or, the consolation, depending on how badly things go.
Two teams are formed by using the insides of the Russian nesting dolls-cute! Blue team, green team. Chris has immunity so he gets to pick which team he gets to go with. He’s listening in to the menu planning.  Connie’s making sausages, he’s going with Blue team. Dale is already being an ass and I would not be on his team no matter what. Todd my man is falling on the sword by taking on dessert, which Dale tried to get Chris to take on.
Did you know the Czech Republic is a completely different country than Germany?  Thanks Andrea!  I would not have known that! It’s all just “over there” to this maritime hick!
Andrea tells that she spent time in Russia and so is familiar with the cuisine–higher standards for you Andrea!  You’ll be sorry if you suck!

All are now at the Loblaws, picking out the food. Blah blah look good keep it simple taste fantastic blah blah. Some chefs don’t want to be on a team, some play well with others. This could be any show that involves teams that are competing for individual glory. I don’t like the team challenges either. There’s too much drahhhhmaaaa and politicking.
Dale says he’s leading the pack!  Jamie won’t let anyone use his burner!  Nobody wants to be the leader on Team Green. Dale’s becoming the Team Blue leader “only because he demands to be the leader” says Chris. Oh, dear–Darrell is putting lemongrass in his borscht because MM told him to take more risks. I don’t think that’s the kind of risk he meant Darrell.
Connie used to be a ballerina–she’s TOUGH.
Back at the chefpartment, they’re drinking Crystal Skull vodka–product placement!  Everyone knows chefs don’t really drink and their livers aren’t the most overworked organs in their bodies!  Yeah, that’s right!
They’re at the Art Gallery of Ontario to present their Russian menu.
Blue Patrick has goosebumps because the other team members are going to carry him. Dale is annoyed at having been in the middle in the challenges. I’m annoyed too Dale, annoyed that you weren’t SENT PACKING LAST WEEK! Green Connie is not happy with her sausages and is second guessing herself. Andrea says you can never be too cocky!
Team Green is falling apart.
Dale says the other team is too rustic and you don’t put caviar with rustic dishes.
Guest judge is the exec chef at the AGO, Anne Y. The Crystal Head Vodka is made in Newfoundland–testify!
Chefs are  presenting dishes–yummy good lucking.
Dustin–hit the ball out of the park!
Dale–fish oily and unpleasant for MM!
Patrick–not cohesive
Chris-overcooked cabbage roll with undercooked cabbage
Steve–lacks seasoning and character
Lots of potatoes!  Lots of dill!  Bacon foam!  Bacon foam makes everything better.
Todd–dessert!  Sweet parsnip blini!  Very well done, beautiful. DA could eat three!
Darryl–better than MM thought, nice and smoky, did his grandma proud
Rob–succulent and buttery (that was my nickname in high school)
Connie-simple, classic, shows maturity, great–go Connie!
Jamie–pleasant surprise, elegant
Andrea-can’t-be-too-cocky–very well done, clever, characteristic of Russian cuisine
Derrick–amateurish, falls short
Vodka drinking ensues! How will the judges be able to judge?
Stew Room hijinks.
Thea wants to see Connie, Andrea, Darryl and Rob of the Green Team. They are the top four dishes on the winning team!
Much food loving is dished out by the judges. Perfect!  Nailed! Delicious! Worthy of 7 Stars!
DA announces the winning dish, the one “on gossamer wings”, it’s Connie!  They’re flying her to LA!  That’s good, because I’m not sure gossamer wings are strong enough to take her from TO to LA.  And DA will take her to dinner at the House of Blues and then Connie will cook with DA’s wife Donna–a weekend with the Aykroyds!
Chris, Patrick, Steve and Dale are the bottom. Don’t twist your face that way Thea–it might get stuck.
Chris–underwhelming, mealy, lacking character (he has immunity)
Dale is shaking his head.
Steve–lacked flavour, bland–I guess bacon foam does NOT make everything better.
Dale–beautiful but fishy. Dale is arguing with the judges. He’s saying he’s the leader. He’s truly happy with what he put out.

Stew Room while judges deliberate.
Dale and Chris in a war of words. Chris wins because Dale is an idiot.
Decision time–I think it will be Steve. Am I right? Will I get a prize?

Very serious faces. I’m right. Bye Steve!  He is okay with it. He is sad he didn’t get to show everyone what he’s about. He gets many hugs because he is very cool and not at all a knob (Dale!)

Next time on TCC–Susur Lee!  Love!


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