top chef canada week 2

Quickfire challenge–cheese!  Cook with Canadian cheese!  How hard can that be?  Apparently, very difficult. Dale and Francois don’t finish in time, and Clayton sucks. Todd from Newfoundland wins!  Yeah, Todd, represent!  He gets immunity and is quite pleased, actually, he looks pretty relieved.  Here’s a BIG twist!  This is a high stakes quickfire!  The bottom three have 20 minutes to create an amuse bouche and then one of them will Be Sent Home!  See, Top Chef?  We’re Top Chef CANADA!  We’re going to do our own thing!

Amuse bouches underway. Other Cheftestants clap them on and then have a party in their heads because they are not the Bottom Three. Wagyu beef!  Figs!  Cippolini onions!  Clapping!
Mark is tasting. Francois-foie gras-Mark likes it. Clayton-wagyu beef–Mark says it’s best looking and much improved. Dale has a chilled melon soup with a bunch of crap in it. Mark does not comment. Mark drops the hammer on Clayton–pack your knives Clayton. Park. (See what I did there? Ha ha me!) Bye Clayton!  He’s already been forgotten.

Elimination challenge. Working in pairs. A cheese challenge that reflects the personality of your partner. Steve’s got a wacky doo Doo Rag on his head. He looks like Aunt Jemimah.
Everyone is happy with their partner, because they haven’t been here long enough to really get the hate on for each other yet.
Painting pictures with cheese, that phrase is repeated a lot. They should have some of that Velveeta in the squeezable tubes, that would be easy to paint with. Anyone else remember that?

Dave apparently farts a lot so his partner is using blue cheese. I’ll bet they don’t have any Dragon’s Breath Blue though–that Dutchman makes real cheese.
And that’s about all I need to hear about inspiration. Oh, Dessert Girl has to declare bankruptcy when she goes home. Boo-urns.

I typed a lot at work today so I’m not going to be a thorough recapper, just a highlighter. Ha ha A & W, that commercial with the “food critic” is so funny. (Roll eyes here). TCC has an official paper towel.

Connie thinks Todd is a calm cool cat, so we like her. Usually those middle flat province people don’t care for the far easters. Patrick’s nickname is Sugar Bear. And he does the worm–or rattlesnake on crack, someone calls it. We don’t need to see that again Patrick, and for God’s sake put some pants on.
The good folks at GE Monogram come out to stamp GE on our heads, in case we forgot they supplied the kitchen.
One more cheese commercial and I’m going to be constipated. TMI?

Preparation at the catering site. Manly comments with homosexual undertones. Naughty boys. Double entrendres involving balls. Judges are here!  Special guest judge is Noted Cheese Expert Julia Rodgers. How does one get such a moniker? Oh, Cheese Expert Lady has a big tattoo on her forearm–she’s a rebel Cheese Lady!

Ooooo, Jamie is a big whiny baby. It’s bad when you start to be memorable for being a whiny baby. There are some pretty complicated things here. Some are so complicated they can’t find cheese. Mark is saying “it’s bad” a LOT. He’s the Big Cheese, so that’s most definitely bad.

Connie and Todd are up next. They love Connie, and Todd’s too!  He didn’t sit on his immunized bum–good for him!  He’s my homeboy.

Judges Table: Dustin Darrell Jamie Rebekah are called up, and you know they’re not the top. Key words: “Disappointing” “Grease explosion” “Disappointing” “Forgot about cooking” “Mush” “Inappropriate” “No cheese” “Bad” “Unappetizing” “Didn’t taste good, didn’t look good”. Jamie is getting hammered and won’t shut up. Shut up Jamie!  Send him home. Call him the Wambulance and send him home. Now he’s trying to blame it on Darrell. Uncool.

Top: Andrea/Connie/Rob. “Delicous” “Subtle” “Wonderful taste and texture” “Refreshing” “Totally worked” “Fresh take” “Good bite”

Tattooed Cheese Expert Lady picks Andrea as the Winner!  Chedder and apples, every time. What’s her prize? No prize?  Immunity for quickfire but no prize for the challenge? Not even a GE Monogrammed toaster or something?

Judges Table: And oh, no. It’s Rebekah. Her dish was called “inedible”. She’s sad. 😦 Pastry girl lost her restaurant AND the chance to win TCC.

Next week: Russian food! Dan Akroyd!  The in-fighting begins!

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